Ch-ch-ch-changes...

After eight years of studying a myriad of subjects at university, I am no longer a student. I have officially discontinued the honours course I intended to pursue this year and have applied to graduate with a Bachelor of Arts. This has come as a shock to most people with cries of "Oh, but you wanted to do honours" and "You were so excited" echoing around my skull, but the truth is, I never wanted to do honours. I never saw the point, I would need to undertake an additional several years of education to become an historian and, well, I didn't even want to be an historian to begin with. I was just scared. I was scared of who I would be without my student status. I have always prided myself on being an academic, and without that I didn't know where I would stand. I didn't want to disappoint my family and friends. I wanted to be something, I wanted all of this study to amount to something. I was terrified that without university, without all of the recognition and praise I obtain through my work, I would amount to nothing. I wouldn't be able to get a job, I wouldn't be able to be recognised, I would be nothing. I was just scared of pursuing the one career that I thought would make me happy because of what people would think.

I'd love to teach children. I have had a passion for education since I was a teenager and I guess I pursued my own education for such a long time because of it. I believe that education is the most important asset one can possess and I believe teaching is one of the most important and influential professions. I've always wanted to make a difference, an impact on someone's life and I think through teaching I can finally do that. It's taken me a long time to come to this realisation, too long in fact and I am still afraid that I am disappointing those around me. But, I have (and will continue to) applied for the Graduate Diploma of Education (Early Childhood) at several universities for the second semester of this year and in the mean time I am taking a break. I have been studying since I was 18 and it's time for me to get a real job, make some money and socialise with the awesome people in my life.

So, that is where I am at. And I must say, I am truly happy at this point.

Done.

I just submitted the final essay of the semester. I just officially finished my third year at university. I could graduate right now. But instead I am going to draw out this stressful experience for another year...or two...or five...

But seriously, I'm done for now. Woo freakin' hoo.

A change...

I am excited. Why? well, because yesterday I met the woman I would like to supervise my honours thesis, Elizabeth. I went to the University of Melbourne, we sat down together, and she proceeded to blow my mind. I went in with a fairly vague notion of what I would like to research next year and left with a completely different focus. Upon entering the meeting I had my heart set on working on English asylums at the beginning of the twentieth century and the influence the introduction of psychotropic medication made to the lives of the patients.

However, a long discussion with my asylum expert revealed that my topic would be exceedingly difficult to execute as the tangible records would be near impossible to acquire. So, I was back to square one and feeling miserable. But Elizabeth and I talked a little more and she convinced me that it might be a good idea to work on asylums in Melbourne as not much secondary literature exists in that field and the records are easily acquirable as they're located in North Melbourne (!!). I would be able to go to the Public Records Office and actually look at the original documents, and patient case books and registers. How amazing! I'll be able to really delve into asylum life as opposed to working on English Asylums where I would have no contact with the primary resources I needed.

I have already narrowed my research ideas down significantly since yesterday. I would like to work on women in Kew Asylum in the late nineteenth century. Now all I need to do is get to reading and work out the fine details. I am so happy that I listened to a good friend's advice and went to speak with Elizabeth. She helped me so much and she would be the perfect supervisor for what I would like to do. Now, let us just hope that I actually get into the University of Melbourne...


Image: Kew Asylum Melbourne, circa 1885.

Jet City Woman...

I have been a brunette for almost a week and I am loving it. I feel more confident and I'm definitely vibing more with people. I think as beautiful and bright as the purple hair was, it gave people the wrong idea about me and I was tired of having to convince people that I was not an anti-intellectual punk. So for now, the brown hair remains.

It's what I do..

People constantly ask me :"What exactly do you do at uni?" As in, what does the study of history actually entail. I'll tell you what, it involves a lot of research which in turn involves plenty of reading. So, I guess the answer to the question: "What do you do?" Is: I spend the majority of my time reading about historical events/people/places. At the moment I am reading the following:

"Inventing the Public Enemy: The Gangster in American Culture" - David Ruth
"Reforming Hollywood Gangsters and Morality from Popularism to Patriotism" - Sheri Biesen
"Freudians, Flapper and All That Jazz" - Sara Evans
"Medieval Popular Religion: 1000-1500" - John Shinners
"Holy Feast and Holy Fast: The Religious Significance of Food to Medieval Women" - Caroline Walker Bynum
"Humanism and Scholasticism in the Italian Renaissance" - Paul Kristeller

It's a pretty interesting mix of readings this week. I'm especially enjoying the article on Medieval women and food. And yes, all of that is for just this week.

Taking my chances...

I've been thinking hard lately about the honours program I hope to undertake next year. Which I should be thinking about seeing as I have to apply very soon. I hope to do research concerning medicine/psychiatry in the Victorian era but ay, here's the rub: Monash only has one lecturer who remotely knows anything about medical history and his specialty is medicine during the reign of the Third Reich. Which, as you may be able to tell, is not the area I am concerned with.

So, I did some research and found that there are some lovely ladies at the University of Melbourne who actually specialise in the history of psychiatry and medicine in...THE VICTORIAN ERA! So, my allegiance to Monash is wavering at the moment. I have contacted the lecturers at Melbourne and they seem happy to meet with me and discuss my research. Which is promising news for me. I am hoping that I will be offered a place at Melbourne as it is much closer to my home, I know some lovely people there and (most importantly) my honours project will turn out much better.

So, that's where I am academically at the moment. Trying to manage getting awesome grades at third year level, while trying to prepare for honours.

Ludus

New books. Coffee. Reading. Coffee. Fake smiles and awkward introductions. Coffee. Late nights. Freezing mornings. Coffee with friends. Impressions. Paper. School has definitely begun.

You are about to embark on a journey...

It’s amazing how in just a few days you can grasp clarity, re-centre, and find direction in life. A few weeks ago I thought I had it all figured out: I would graduate with a Bachelor of Arts (English Major) in November of this year, have a long break and then begin a two-year Masters in Publishing. Then I got to thinking. Do I want to be in Melbourne for another two years? Do Karl and I want to begin a life here after I graduate? Is the Australian publishing industry the one I want to be involved in? If I pass on doing honours next year will I regret it later? And the answers to these began to reveal themselves over the last few days beginning with a letter reminding me to think about participating in honours next year. I then logged onto the Monash University website and came across some study abroad scholarships available only to post-graduate students…who have an honours degree. Now, Karl and I have always discussed living in Europe and obtaining a scholarship to study at a European university would make it a lot easier for us to make a life there. Most scholarships provide enough money for living expenses for a year and some pay for flights to the country you wish to study in. That would make an international relocation much easier for the both of us and much less stressful.

A long discussion last night over Malteasers and coffee tied it all up. I will do honours next year if I am offered a place and at the end of 2012 I will apply for scholarships to study publishing (or English in general) at Oxford, Cambridge and University College London. I’m also considering applying to English speaking universities in the Czech Republic, Hungary, Sweden and France but Karl and I will have to brush up the ol’ language skills before we decide on any of those options.

So there you have it. At the start of this week I had a completely different notion of what life would be like for us over the next few years. But then things change. I guess that’s life though. We’ll be travelling a different route, a more unstable and confusing one but it’s the challenges that shape us and make us who we are. Honours was not the route I was going to or even wanted to take. I can think of no worse way to spend a year but, unfortunately for me, it will yield the most benefits and options for after I graduate. It will be a challenge and it will most likely, and most importantly, see Karl and I breaking out of this tiny country that we feel so ill-suited to and exploring this great, green earth. And to us, that is what it’s all about.

En Hiver

Since I moved to Melbourne, a place that unlike my home town has more than one season, I have loved Winter. While everyone else hides under their blankets, mourning their lack of tan, I rug myself up and go exploring. The smell of rain, and wet leaves mingled with the smell of smoke from long slumbering chimneys invigorates me, and fills my head with crisp, new ideas for the cold months ahead.

This year, it just so happens that I will be on the mid-year university break and I will actually be able to enjoy the Winter months how I see fit. So, I have devised a list of things I would love to do over the much anticipated (and deserved) break.




READ OBSESSIVELY...

I have a pile of books gathering dust on my desk, and on my bed side table, and on my bookshelf that I have not been able to read due to a ridiculous amount of work I have had to do for university. Primo Levi calls to me. Margaret Atwood beckons. Walt Whitman withers away from neglect. I'm going to rug up, take a well worn tome to a secluded corner and devour it slowly. Sounds like fun to me.




BECOME A MOVIE BUFF...

Okay, so this may sound a little average but this is a pretty mean feat for me. You see, I don't watch movies. I didn't like the movies coming out of Hollywood for a while there, so I stopped watching them and just forgot to start again. So, I have resolved to have several movie marathons with my beloved over the semester break. We wont be watching many recent movies, or any I can think of yet, we will mostly be watching cult classics, horror, favourite childhood movies, things we want each other to see basically. I'm devising a list so any recommendations are appreciated. So far we will be viewing: Schindler's List (No, neither of us has seen it. And yes, I'm ashamed), Jaws, Tremors I, Dark Crystal, Legend, The Breakfast Club (Karl has to see atleast one John Hughes film in his lifetime), Grease (One of my favourite childhood movies that Karl has never seen), and What's Eating Gilbert Grape? It should be an enlightening and surprising experience.



BRING BAKING BACK, YEAH!

I'm a baking fiend usually. I love experimenting with different recipes for cakes, puddings, slices and cupcakes. Unfortunately, as wih most of my hobbies, baking has been put on the back burner while I finish up my final year of my undergraduate. I miss it. I miss creating colourful and delicious treats for the ones I love. And seeing as the temperature has dropped, and the blankets are out, now is a perfect time for creating decadent, syrupy puddings to warm from the inside out.



EXPERIMENT WITH FASHION...

This Winter I want to actually wear warm clothes, instead of hiding inappropriate Summer clothes under a big coat. I want to play with fabrics - fur, wool, velvet, leather; I want layers upon layers of colour and texture. I want scarves and hats and gloves in pastel pink, blue and green. I've already started on this fashion adventure, I must admit. I bought the most gorgeous scarf today, It's stunning and purple and woolen and thick and fabulous.



WRITE...

I need to get back in touch with my inner Hemmingway this Winter. I need to curl up next to the heater, with a fluffy kitten in my lap and write. I've stopped writing over the past few months due to aforementioned drudgery but I really need to get back into it. I need that outlet.



PLAN A WEDDING...

Karl and I have been engaged for almost a year, and everyone keeps asking us when. When? When? WHEN? So, we've decided to tie the proverbial knot next September. Over this Winter break, Karl and I are going to scope out some reception venues, finalise the guest list, and then I while I have time I will get to work on crafting the invitations. I'm taking on a monumental task, trying to plan a wedding while finishing my undergraduate degree and beginning my masters (if I am accepted) but I'm excited. Millions of young women have gone before me so I know it's possible and the results are beautiful.

So bring on the Winter. I'm ready to get back in touch with myself and the things I love.