Friday, September 14, 2012
This is how I fall apart.
For the majority of my life I have struggled with my weight and body image. But recently, my dedication to weight loss took a dramatic turn for the worse. A few months ago I began obsessing about everything I put into my mouth, about how much I exercised and what people thought of my body. I began to eat less and less and exercise for longer and longer. At my lowest point I would eat one pickle a day, exercise for two hours and abuse laxatives. It felt like everyday a piece of my soul disappeared.
I spiraled further and further into a deep depression; I was starving and sad and wouldn't accept help. It took my boyfriend breaking up with me for me to see how much of my soul had really fallen away. I fell apart, spent three days on a couch, didn't shower and barely ate. It took a complete emotional breakdown for me to get help.
Now I'm back on anti-anxiety medication and I am seeing my psychologist as often as I can. The medication is already having an effect: I'm eating and exercising less and I actually like the way I look...for now.
I have severe anxiety and an eating disorder. But I am recovering. I think that those suffering from mental illness need to be more vocal about their issues. I have only spoken to one other person who has suffered from anorexia. We need to be more vocal about eating disorders so that those who suffer the most can get the help that they need.
I have appreciated everyone's support in the last week and so I thought I would shed some light on why I fell apart.