I consistently make bad decisions, say the wrong thing and act the wrong way. I don't even act the way I want to act most of the time; I seem to betray myself. I hurt the people I love, and withdraw from everyone else. The things that should make me happy send me into a spiraling abyss of sadness. It's hard to remember a day when I was more happy than sad. Nothing seems to make me happy like it used to. Nothing seems to have the same power. I used to want to sleep or drink or eat away the sadness but now even those things seem like too much effort. Doing, seeing, eating, being nothing is a better alternative. I'm starting to think I may never actually be happy again. I'm doing everything I should in order to be happy. I'm going to therapy, doing what I'm told - exercising, eating well, writing - but nothing seems to lift the shadow from my soul. I can't seem to do anything right, not even be happy.
I'm starting to think I'll never truly be happy again and once you've lost the hope of happiness, what's left?
No comments:
Post a Comment